Polarity and Politics

I have been thinking about politics lately (and then I shake my head and laugh because I am thinking about politics!). I am part of a social justice group that focuses on social justice in education (both teaching and pursuing). With two upcoming elections, there has been a lot of talk about strategies for educating people on the need to vote and what each party stands for. At the last meeting, we put together a sub committee to come up with some education, discussion points thing (kinda hard to describe) and I volunteered to join this group of highly knowledgeable, informed, and political people! I joined as the apathetic one so I embraced the role of not knowing all the party lines and words and issues and lingo and just telling the group if the message would get through to people like me. So anyways, I had a morning meeting this week that was spent talking about the woes of the country, the government and trying to come up with something that would encourage people to vote. Given the nature of the group, I am sure that you can extrapolate that there wasn't a lot of love for the current government's choices and priorities (or conduct for that matter).

And it got me to thinking... what are the answers to the woes of the country? If the conservative government loses power and liberal or NDP get in- then what? Then those who support the conservatives will work to bring down whatever government is in power. The media will paint the leader to be a villain or a hero, but never just a human. Their will be debates that call into every word that comes out of his/her mouth so that our leader has to be on guard at every moment. This system doesn't work! When is the last time people listened to each other in politics, at least when has that been portrayed? When have the people who want more money for jails sat down with people who want more money for prevention programs (youth programs, family supports, etc.) and asked each other "Why do you want that? What do you see as the benefit? How will this shape Canada?" And not just yelled the question across the room, while forming an answer that paints the other person as the villain.

We have a country headed for (some would argue that we have already arrived) crisis and our leaders act like immature children in representing us! But, wait a minute. They are representing us- you and me. Is this the "representing" that we want?

I look around me and see a society that would socially massacre a prime minister who would 'back down' or compromise on something. The headlines would splatter them with sneers and call them weak. People who had supported the prime minister would feel betrayed. And whoever supported the other side would feel like there was a victory- like we were behind the ones who masterminded a plan to sneakily get the prime minister to slip up. Our society can't handle a government that truly and humbly listens to each other, yet that is what we need. And I think that is what it craves! Forget all these games- our country needs leadership, and in a democracy, leadership comes from the people. So, yeah, go out and vote but democracy doesn't end at the polls. Stop the smearing. Stop disrespecting people who think different and have different priorities. Speak up against the media who makes news out of nothing. The actions of our politicians are mirrors of what we are asking for. We need to change ourselves and show the leaders that they can be humble, team players and lead our country. Enough of this childish, ignorant, derisive polarity in politics!

I think if I led the country, I would get rid of capitalism, put little focus on the economy, tell people to stop shopping and wasting money and focus on healthcare, education, people, international relations, righting past wrongs and all the other things that are my passion. And, I think the country would crumble! Without an economy, all sorts of things would fall. I don't even have a strong enough understanding of the things that I do know to think that I wouldn't need input from someone else. I would need someone to tell me the pieces that I don't see. No person, or party, can know or represent everything!

You know what I would like to do? I would like to put all the leaders of the parties in a small, cozy room with comfy chairs and pillows. I would tell them to wear their comfy clothes and leave their notes at home. I would give them tea and veggies and just ask them to hang out. Talk about their families, friends, passions and why they want to change our country. Then, after doing that for a couple days, I would give them a topic for each day. One day, they could talk about education. They could review the facts, talk about their different goals and come up with a plan that is robust, well thought out and diverse. Can you imagine? And then, for the rest of the time, they would go over each other issues. No press would ever hear of the meetings. No one else would be in it. Just them. No pressure. No telling stories. Just listening, asking honest questions and working to make Canada a better place. And I know that most issues would not get resolved- people have different priorities and epistemology- but to have the party that is leading to have heard, like really heard the other side would change things drastically. That is what I want my leader to do. And this is democracy, so I have a voice.

The End of an Era

Sigh,
today I gave up.
Too much work.
Too much pain.
The sparkle just didn't shine bright enough to convince me to keep going.
Good bye, my nose ring (or should I say nose stud?)
You were a fun self expression,
but really way too much work.
My new skills of being able to soak my nose in water
and inhale it to just the right point
and then blow it out again
will be a forever cherished part of my life,
but, alas, you will not.

You refused to keep your place
on the outside of my skin
and preferred instead to be nuzzled
between my skin and cartilage
and that just isn't okay!
I am sure you understand.
The mechanics of getting a sparkle through a layer of skin
just ain't fun!
I don't want to hear the skin pop sound again.
So, you now hold a space...
tucked in some drawer or something
proof of my freedom

So, you are gone.
I miss your sparkle when I cross my eyes,
or the sass I feel when I remember
I pierced my nose
But the pain
and the bump
(that hopefully won't last)
just meant you had to go.

Good bye my way too much work nose ring.
I will have to find some sparkle
some other way.




p.s. if you want to hear a fun, beautiful song, check out Adele- Set Fire to the Rain

Quotes

I have come across some quotes recently that are currently surrounding my desk in sticky notes. But, since I am packing, I figured digitizing them would be more long term.

"We are whiplashed between an arrogant overestimation of ourselves and a servile underestimation of ourselves." Parker J. Palmer

The 3 Paradoxes of Life & Growing Up according to Courtney E. Martin (from a TEDtalk)
1. Rejecting the past and promptly reclaiming it.
2. Sobering up to our smallness and maintaining faith in our greatness all at once.
3. Aiming to succeed wildly and being fulfilled by failing really well.

In the fourth century, St. Gregory of Nyssa said that “sin is a refusal to keep growing up.”

"We are not called to be perfect, we are called to be human." (I forget her name from a TEDtalk.)

B by Sarah Kay

Instead of mom, she’s going to call me “point b”
Because that way she knows that no matter what happens, A
t least she can always find her way to me.
& i’m going to paint the solar system on the back of her hands
so that she has to learn the entire universe before she can say
“oh, i know that like the back of my hand.”
she’s going to learn that this life will hit you, hard, in the face,
wait for you to get back up so it can kick you in the stomach,
but getting the wind knocked out of you is
the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air.
there is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by band-aids or poetry,
so the first time she realizes that wonder woman isn’t coming,
i’ll make sure she knows she doesn’t have to wear the cape all by herself.
because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers
your hands will always be to small to catch all the pain you want to heal,
believe me, i’ve tried.
& “baby,” i’ll tell her “don’t keep your nose up in the air like that, i know that trick,
you’re just smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back
to a burning house so you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire
to see if you can save him or else find the boy who lit the fire in the first place
to see if you can change him.”
but i know that she will anyway
so instead i’ll always keep an extra supply of chocolate & rain boats nearby
because there is no heartbreak that chocolate can’t fix.
okay, there’s a few heartbreaks chocolate can’t fix
but that’s what the rain boots are for
because rain will wash away everything if you let it.
i want her to see the world through the underside of a glass bottom boat,
to look through a magnifying glass at the galaxies that exist on the pin point of a human mind.
because that’s how my mom taught me,
that they’ll be days like this,
“they’ll be day’s like this my momma said.”
when you open your hands to catch
& end up with only blisters & bruises,
when you step out of the phone booth & try to fly
& the very people you want to save are the ones standing on your cape,
when your boots will fill with rain & you’ll be up to your knees in disappointment
& those are the very days you have all the more reason to say “thank you,”
because there is nothing more beautiful than the way
the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline
no matter how many times it’s sent away.
you will put the “wind” in win some lose some,
you will put the “star” in starting over & over.
no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute
be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life.
& yes, on a scale of one to over-trusting
i am pretty fucking naive but i want her to know
that this world is made out of sugar.
it can crumble so easily but don’t be afraid to stick your tongue out & taste it.
“baby,” i’ll tell her “remember your mama is a worrier
but your papa is a warrior & you are the girl with small hands
& big eyes who never stops asking for more.”
remember that good things come in threes
& so do bad things & always apologize when you’ve done something wrong
but don’t ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining.
your voice is small but don’t ever stop singing
& when they finally hand you heartbreak,
slip hatred & war under your doorstep
& hand you hand-outs on street corners of cynicism & defeat,
you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother.


To watch this spoken poem, check out http://www.ted.com/talks/sarah_kay_if_i_should_have_a_daughter.html

islands of excellence

I heard this quote today while watching some TEDx videos and think it aptly describes our education system and also our social justice efforts.

"We have isolate islands of excellence with no great ferry system."

Lee Foltos (off of TEDx Manitoba youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXtT7p0UJ_U&feature=autoplay&list=PLFB7EE9386F0B2B85&index=3&playnext=3)

We need to build a ferry system!! :)

do not judge, lest you be judged.....

I feel like shit so quickly these days. My self confidence has crumbled- I wonder if it ever was what I thought it was, anyways. I have nothing that is esteemed in society. I have fallen from being a prize production of society to being a failure in its definition of success. For whatever reasons- emotional or logistical, I cannot get a job that pays very much. My meager bi-weekly cheques for $608 are hardly meager but they don't carry the note of success that double that did. I know that if I got a full time teaching job, the pay cheques would make it easier for me to feel worth something. I have become defined by monetary success despite valiant efforts to not be. It is like my body image- I know that I don't have a great one, I just have never not had the "perfect body" so my unhealthy body image works just fine. I feel ashamed, like I have done something wrong, when I look at the amount I made this year when I did my taxes- a measly $3000, which includes over $1000 of cattle income. Imagine that- I have spent six months and thousands of dollars caring for widows and orphans, and I feel like a failure. I feel like I have not contributed enough. Something isn't right here. How are the voices of society so loud, yet have gone unnoticed in my own life? They are like a high pitched scream that we no longer notice because it has always been there.

People ask me about my work, and I cringe. I am ashamed to tell them that I am not busy. I am not stressed (at least not in the way they are looking for). I feel like I am not producing enough to keep up my value. My job produces nothing tangible and my spare time produces even less- I have nothing that is valued in society to show for my existence at this point. I am consuming little and producing less. My life is not changing the world in grand and glorious ways. Probably not even in medium ways.

I am no longer the poster girl for a 'good person' in our society and it is incredible how shitty that can make me feel if I am not careful. Which leads me to be amazed at how defined I was by all of those things! I never thought that money was a big thing for me- but not having it overflowing (I am still by no measure poor) feels like a strike against my value as a person. I never thought that I was one of those people who attached value to people based on their titles and jobs, but to not have "a great job" where I work hard all the time, get tired by being productive, produce something valuable for my world or family is another 'failure' in my view of myself through societies eyes. I feel like I can't stand as tall or be as proud to be me because I am a burnt out teacher who isn't even teaching.

Society is so narrow in what it values, which messages it tells us and how it defines success as an individual. No one is sending out messages that the most important thing is living a life of fullness welling up from inside of your soul. There is no space in society to promote emotional and soul well being. Spiritual well- being (including but not limited to religion) is for 'those' people- the ones who are on the radical, not so praised edges of our communities. The ones where society shakes its collective head at and reduces all their core truths to trite statements of 'peace, love and hope and picking up your litter.' If society actually listened, what might happen?

So beware. Search your soul and the pieces of identity. What defines you? You may be surprised. Watch for warning signals- they were in my life, but I just didn't see them until now. Does sitting in a room of PhD holders intimidate you so you judge all your responses to make sure there are enough syllables in them? (I did/do.) What is your reaction to things before you get your 'good person' filter in place? How do you judge others- either positive or negative? I imagine that you will give similar judgments to yourself. The verse in Matthew that says "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." rings true in a new way. I used to think this was a pronouncement of punishment, like "If you judge other people, God is going to come and look at you the same way that you looked and them and condemn you the same way." But maybe it means that how you look at others is the reflection of how you really see yourself. It means that if the graces that hold you in the place that you are now- the place of privilege, power, wealth, health, love, or whatever else defines you- fell apart for whatever reason, you would look inside yourself with the disgust, mistrust, frustration, disdain and judgment that was once turned outwards. You will judge yourself as you have judged. And there is nothing worse than a condemning inner voice. You can shut the door on others, but never on yourself. And the scary part is, you probably won't even know it if you are judging others. It probably won't be something easy to find. The answers won't be the ones that you thought they would be.

But, they will be worth it. There is more valuable to you than you are told by society. So much more. Part of my wishes the fight to find it wouldn't be so hard, but even that fight can bring beauty.

I hope that some day soon, I can look into the eyes of any person and see them. Really see them- their core value, their soul, the 'ness' of them. And maybe on that day, I will be able to look inside and also be at peace with my core value, my soul and the 'ness' of me.

Following your heart

It could be that Jesus' will lead us to a place where we ourselves don't even know any more whether we're holy, where all we know is that we have to do what we have to do what we have to do, where we have to obey the word that we've heard in our heart. Often we don't even get the satisfaction of being in the right; and there's no security that everyone will agree with us.... this Gospel doesn't bless the existing system; it leads us to the edges where freedom might be found. It does so in such a way that we can return to the world, without being addictively dependent on it any more, so that we can return to the suffering and joys of this world, without letting ourselves be seduced by its false promises on either side.

Richard Rohr, The Simplicity of Living, pg. 143


ahhh... a sigh of relief. I love when someone else has words for what I feel that help take my wordlessness and make it expressible.