A Countdown and Trip to Market

Time is a weird thing, ya know? Like sometimes it feels super slow and other times it feels super fast. My departure date has felt like forever away and all of the sudden, I am realizing that my time is in the countdown stage. Three more Sundays at church. Three more Thursdays to eat Chapatti. Fifteen more school days. Four more volunteers to arrive and get settled. Now is when it will go fast. But, even though I am having a great time, I am looking forward to being home. Looking forward to relearning how to speak English smoothly and not eliminating slang and big words. Looking forward to being in a group of people with all of us speaking English. Looking forward to seeing my little siblings and family again- little kids get big when you are gone for five months! I wonder what I will miss most from here. Probably the plethora of role models who show me how to live a life more accepting of others and assuming the best- that will be a hard skill for me to keep up once I am not surrounded by it anymore. The whole culture here is like that-- hopefully it has rubbed off as much as I wanted it to. If could somehow find a way to express the difference it makes in a culture to assume that someone is doing the best they can and enjoying them without expectations, it could change the world! So many people look at Kenya and other less developed nations and see all the ways that they are 'behind'- technology, industry, economy. But very few people look to see where they are ahead.

I have almost finished a budget spreadsheet for Chazon Children Centre- I have been working on it on and off for a couple weeks now. I am also still spending a lot of time organizing volunteers. I am not a huge fan of the authority role that this puts me in because the people who come are my peers, but I also understand that it is really helpful for Lucy and Samuel to have someone coordinating meals, beds, picking up volunteers, work schedules and that sort of things. Next week, I am going to spend a week with Lucy's mom, who lives a little closer to the Centre. It will be good to be somewhere different and have a time where I am not the 'go to' person. I find that as soon as I feel that someone has expectations of me, I not only have to meet them, but also exceed them otherwise I think I have failed.

I walked to market a couple weeks ago and composed a blog in my head about the experience. And then I didn't write it down. But I will try and remember all the things that I had thought of. Market days are Wednesday and Saturday, although fresh veggies, fruit and various kiosks are open all week. I left Lucy and Samuel house with grungy shillings in my pocket off to buy sweet potatoes for breakfast on Sunday morning. Within about three minutes of walking, my whiteness has been spotted and I hear cries of 'Ha warue?' and various other pronunciations of 'how are you?' from children playing in their yards or people working in their fields. Some days I ignore the constant cries, other days I muster a smile and a wave and sometimes, although it is getting rarer, I engage in the conversation. Within a twenty minute walk, I will be greeted around 20 times- by all ages of people. On this particular sunny day, I was feeling more personable than normal and responded to many of the children- especially the little ones. As my feet tried to pick the smoothest path on the mud dirt road leading from Lucy's house to the main road, I notice the flowers around. My newest favorite are the orange ones whose bunching reminds me of lilacs. I breathe in the fresh countryside air and try and count the different bird calls. Soon, I reach a paved road- now I have to pay a little more attention. As only a pedestrian- bicycles, motorbikes, and any vehicle has right of way. The road is strewn with pot holes large enough to break an axle on many vehicles, so the should has now become 'road' and I walk along the grass a little higher up. Along the way, there are a couple really cute kids who always call out to me when I go by. I wave, which sends them into giggles, and continue on. Once I get closer to the post office (which is where I turn onto the main road), I relax less and gear up to be inundated with people noticing me and wanting me to sell something.
The motorbikes- 'Sister, sister. Where are you going? Come with me. I will give you good price!”
The vegetable sellers- “Njoki- buy some tomatoes. Why not?”
The children- “Muzungu! Muzungu! Hawarue!!!”
I know the place where Lucy buys sweet potatoes so I walk down the road to close to the railroad tracks and find her. She speaks a little English and asks my name. It goes something like this...

“What is your name?”
“My name is Vicki. My Kikuyu name is Wangui.”
“Oh, Wang... WANGUI!?” (at this point all five ladies errupt in laughter that this white chick has a Kikuyu name)
“And my Kamba name is Mwende.” (This is not so funny since they are not Kamba- at least I doubt it)
“Wangui! (laughter)”
“Yes, I have come to buy sweet potatoes. I need two bunches”

This lady seems to sell very few types of veggies. The sweet potatoes are resting on a white sack, arranged carefully in piles of five- like pyramids. She looks through them, finding the ones best for me (I have no idea what the criteria are!) and finds the ones she wants. After putting two bunches in a bag that is almost breaking before you start carrying because the plastic is so weak, she grabs a couple more small potatoes and tops it up. I love that personal feel. All five ladies wish me well with smiles and limited English and I am on my way back home. I walk quickly until I am less conspicuous and back on the dirt roads. The scenery is beautiful and it feels like I am always noticing a new thing to see. The hills look different in the sun or when it is cloudy. And then I am home and life goes on. I will miss the peopleness of this place. The focus is on people. People relating. People living. People just being. People loving. People hurting. It is raw and real. It is uninsulated. It is non judging. It is beautiful.

On a more personal note, for those of you who think of me every once and awhile and want some specific prayer requests, here are a couple that I am struggling with.
1.On a practical note, I have no job, no specific passions to follow and no vision. I live by following passions and I don't remember the last time I didn't have one to follow. Pray for passion, which will lead me to a job (hopefully).
2.My insecurities that I thought were dealt with have flared up again. I have had several dreams while I have been here where people are telling me how disappointed they are in me. My perceptions of situations and relationships are wrong, and I know it, but my subconscious is extremely insecure, it seems. Dreams like that set me off emotionally for a couple of days usually. Pray that I will find security that lasts through storms and propels me forward.

Thanks to you all for your support while I have been here. I am thoroughly looking forward to rejoining my community and being home again. God has been faithful and I am looking forward to whatever comes next because it really could be anything (and trying to have a little faith so that I don't get intimidated by the unknown).

See you soon!